WORD!

Screaming

is always bad especially when you have to supress it with a smile and all you really want to do is throw something. Today has been one of those days where just when you think it can’t get any worse - there it goes getting worse by the minute. Work has become quite a depressing place as it has taken on a much more corporate feel due to the struggling economy. For staff, the pressure to “make the sale” and “market” our particular community has increased dramatically, making it a lot more difficult to work in a more personal tone. For residents, the failing economy has not taken not only a financial toll but it’s also proven to be quite taxing for those without health insurance and adaquate medical coverage. All of this has made work a lot more stressful and less enjoyable since both the staff and residents have all been in a bit of a bad mood which I know is not without merit.

It’s also become a lot more difficult as I daily come to the realization that as much even though I love my job (the good days far outnumber the bad ones) my heart is not here - it’s with the kids I minister to, the family that I rarely see and in the purpose I know I’ve been called to. It goes without saying that I’m not withholding any of myself, I’m still giving 100% to where God has placed me in this season but I do feel the pangs of great desire to be doing full time ministry rather than where I’m at now. I know through it all God has a plan, a reason for me to be here and amidst the screaming, He trusts that I’ll find what that purpose is.

I guess this entire situation is a reminder that I need to weigh my words more carefully and make better confessions over the circumstances I deal with. Admittingly, learning how to make positive confessions in spite of my desires is one of the toughest lessons that I find myself constantly battling. I also know it’s the precise reason why it frequents itself in my everyday life … like any Father .. He’s going to continue to train and teach me until I learn. God didn’t promise that it would be any easier but He did promise that He would help you through. Man, that statement sucks but only because it’s the absolute truth and of course, the truth is a hard pill to swallow most times.

Sigh. I began this blog wanting to be angry, bitter and whiny but of course all of that has subsided as I’ve deducted my emotions from the circumstance and applied His wisdom. I get no slack - He doesn’t let me have a pity party for myself. Haha. It’s funny though, the second I began to type out that last line, the sun broke through my office window despite the fact that all I can visually see are dark gray clouds. Reminded me of this:

Sorrow [troubles] may last for a evening but joy comes in the morning.

Ha! I’m such a Jesus girl, who would’ve ever thought.